Malipas ang isang taon na ang nakalipas nung huling blog ko dito.

 

 

alam kong mabait ka.

alam kong ayaw mo kong masaktan.

alam kong ayaw mong may masira.

alam ko naman na malaki yung mali ko, nag promise ako ndi ko naman tinupad. katangahan ko yun.

sana maintindihan nila at maintindihan mo kaya kita "sinolo" para mafeel mo na napaka-especial mo para sa akin.

hindi ba pumasok sa isip mo na napaka-meaningful/mahalaga yung gabing yon na naging disaster.

tsaka hindi ko naman inaasahan na maging disaster yung party. plinano ko ng maayos ang lahat para maging

masaya ka/tayo. sorry sa mga nagyari na hindi ka nais nais. ayaw ko man mag "moment" nung gabi pero naisip ko din na

kailangan na ng ma-settle ang lahat. naisip ko din na wala ng ibang time? opportunity para magkasama tyo ng tayong

dalawa lang. mali na kung mali dahil inambush kita e. e kelan ko pa masasabi ang lahat? kung kelan may isang

taong tatalo ulit sa akin. hindi ko rin magets kung bakit nagagalit sila, pedeng magtampo. bakit hindi nila ako

maintindihan at mapagbiyan itong minsan na tyong magkasama. wag naman sana silang masyadong manhid sa

mga nakikita nila . alam kong "spalding" ako at ang keso ko pero totoo naman e. alam kong hindi mo sinabi na

maghintay ako. maghihintay ako sabi ko. choice ko yun. kahit ano man ang mangyari. siguro

masaktan na kung masaktan. siguro ako lang itong nagpapaka-positive kahit lahat na nagsabi na wala na. move on.

sabi nila masasaktan lang ako at aasa. pero tangina. masaktan na talaga kung masaktan at least nag effort ako.

hindi ba maisip ng tao na hindi na din to katulad ng highschool na simpleng crush lang na lumilipas kung simpleng

crush lang to dapat sana hindi na ako nagkakaganito sa kanya. sana naman maintindihan nila ako.ganun ba

kahirap intindihin yung sitwasyon.

 

bulag lang ba talaga ako? o ako lang talaga yung manhid na makulit.

mali na kung mali. mahirap na kung mahirap. masaktan na kung masaktan. maghintay na kung maghintay.

 

 Nakakatuwa naman tong tula na to! hahahhaa! {nagkataon lang naman eh!}

 

Kunwari lumayo ka

At hindi na raw bumalik

Ramdam ko ang kalungkutan noong ika'y wala

Mahirap pala kapag mag-isa ka lang

Eto ngayon humihilinh na sana hindi ka na pala

Lumayao sa aking piling

At tayo'y mag kasamang muli. 

 

nabuhay na naman itong blog na ito?! ano kaya ang meron bkit nag sulat ulit ako?!

 

With nice little twist,
I slit my wrist...
Not waiting life to kill,
rather my own blood I spill...
It's my own choice, I have no fears,
only pain, in eyes some unshed tears...
On the floor, blood making stains,
slowly releasing me from my pains...
Bloody stains, stains like in my soul,
caused by all the pain, this life so foul...
Vision finally fading away, soon it's all done,
staring darkness, oh so black, soon it's all gone...
Soon I'm released, free from this pain,
suffering and life, it was all just in vain...
Thought, funny how blood makes difference between life and death,
farewell life, so painful, so useless, gonna take my last breath...

Love me,
my razor blade.
Peel my skin,
make me scream.
Sink so deep,
make me weep.
Cut my flesh,
make me bleed.
Take my life,
set me free.

I stare to the madness, I see just my pain,
it staring me back, drowning me in the sadness...
My tears flow, blinding me, just for vain,
for no reason, my mind falling to the emptiness...
I stare in the mirror, once again,
I see my eyes, I see mirrors of madness...

In the darkness,
no one can see your tears,
in the darkness,
no one can see your fears,
in the darkness,
there is no one to love you,
in the darkness,
there is only sorrow with you.
To seek end in the dark,
it is my destiny,
to weep alone in the dark,
it is my destiny,
to die all alone without your love,
it is my destiny.

Goodbye to you.
I finally got my life on the right track....
I don't need you, and you don't need me,
I feel good about myself. I am free!!
You've been in my life for many years.
You've caused alot of pain and a million tears.
You use to be my lover, My best friend,
But all good things must come to an end!
Its over now between me and you!

ngayon ako'y nagkakamot ng ulo

ndi alam kung saan tutungo

may solusyon pa ba dito sa napaka laking gulo?

pilt kong itinatago

ang mga hina nakit ko sa mundo

may sagot pa ba sa problema kong ito?

kahit ndi ako taga-tondo

ramdam ko ang sobrang pagkalito.

bakit ndi ako makatakbo?

palayo sa dambuhalang sako

pag ikaw naging ako, talagang nakaka bobo

saan ba patungo ang buhay ko?

baka akalain mo, sa utak ako'y may tulo.

nagkakamali ka, wala no!

gusto kong lang naman na makarating sa dulo

para hindi ako matalo.

there are things that i can't explain.
things which i'm not certain of.
in where i am between the devil and the deep blue sea.
sometimes things dont go in what way I wanted it to be.
People do change sometimes but often judged by eyes that cant see.
they mock you and make a fool out of you.
they're hyporcrites and they bring pain.
you run away and hide but you just cant.
you hit the hay but they keep on haunting you.
nights came one by one, the unease in me grew, always thinking the past.
happiness becoming to sorrow. nothing beautiful to see.
colors have faded away. smiles that turned into a frown.
the wind passed by, standing still, waiting my life to kill.
ending whats in here, to stop from breathing, breathing this whole damn pain.
now i'm wondering, what happened to me? even i dont know the answer.
i'm not like this before, what phenomenon occured that changed my total being?
somethings are yet to be known but sometimes it is better to be left without a clue.
i am sick and tired of this, always wearing a mask. I want a face.

 

life is unfair because these people are the ones making my life so unfair.
waking each day, with burdens to carry. thinking that it will never stop.
why cant i sleep my problems away and have my new sheet of paper, worry-free?
i just cant. sometimes i wished that i'll never wake up from bed and never see the setting sun.
it just never happens. i want to sleep all day long. all my entire life sleeping
and wake up anytime i want, so that problems will never be near me.

tuwing sasapit ang gabi akoy nalulungkot...

pag wala ka sa akin tabi akoy nababagot...

hindi alam kung saan dudukot....

para akoy hindi malungkot...

akoy laging matamlay...parang walang kabuhay-buhay...

kulang na lang ay akoy mahimlay.

tanging kausap ay ang hanging malamig....

habang pinapakinggan ang iyong tinig...

sumasabay ang buhos ng ulan....

habang akoy ay nasa kawalan..

aking utak ay ikaw lang ang laman. hindi mawala sa isip ang iyong kagandahan.

sayo, bigla akong naakit.

hindi ko alam kung bakit.

ang ngititing mong walang kaparis.ay lagi kong namimiss at ang iyong maputing kutis, na walang kasing kinis.

ngaun lang ulit naging masaya ang puso ko....dahil lang ito sayo...... 

huminto na ang ulan..nadun ka parin nakatatak sa aking utak... lahat ay gagawin para lang mapunta sa akin..kung kailangan dumanak ang dugo, ito'y gagawin.....para lang ikaw ay mapunta sa akin! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- =c 

 wish you were here. i wish that i'm holding your hand. i wish that someday you would realize, i was the one. i wish you were here, wrapped around my arms. i wish that we're together. i wish that the day would finally that you will be begging for my love. i wish you didnt hurt me this much. i wish i've never known you. i wish i'm your lover. i wish i could see you every single day of my life. i wish that i'm with you on a summer day, going picnics and sharing our love. i wish that i was the same age as you do. i wish that we're in Hawaii, spending an afternoon on the beach. i wish that we're in New York at the top of the Statue of Liberty, enjoying the peacful view. i wish you were with me on Christmas day. i wish i could kiss you on valentines day. i wish that you would accept me. i wish that i would be given some of your love. i wish that i was the one in your arms. i wish that you'll get rid of him.i wish that you gave me chance to prove myself to you. i wish to redeem your sweet gentle touch. i wish that we could kiss each other and tell how much we love one another. i wish that i would die in front of you. i wish my wishes would come true.

 I WISH THAT YOU'D LOVE ME JUST ONCE.

 

why is that my life is full of this mind-blowing wishes?  since my childhood years i wished for a lot of things, i wished fo a new toy and some alike. now in these teenage years, i somehow feel that wishes  sometimes don't come true. lucky are the ones whom there wishes are granted but for my situation, i'm a hopeless case. i'm a hopeless case thats for sure. how could she love me, if she loves somebody else?  how coud i possibly do that?

why is there a lot of wishes that have not been granted and alot of question asked but not answered.
why my life is ruled by a big question mark? i dont know why but this is how i feel.

 

 

So far I made the biggest mistake of my life...........telling the truth. a fool, that's what  i am when i loved you. 

 

Love can sometimes be magical but magic sometimes can be an illusion. I’ve always dreamed of that one day “honey” would still love me. Whew! Expecting way too much! Giving up almost everything I have. Making myself look stupid in front of a crowd just to see a smile, but what's the result of these stupid acts, was there a change in "snugglebunny”‘s feelings for me? Now I know the truth that my so called "snugglebunny" will never be my "snugglebunny". I think, all "snugglebunny" said were all lies, I’m not actually sure but this is what I feel. Lies, lies, lies, I don’t know why. Why? Why can’t our feelings and emotions be the same!!! Can’t you say it to my face that you don’t care about me, that there is no chance that you get falling in love with me? c'mon. Do it. I dare you. I’ll be cool with that. Don’t you have the guts to tell me to stay away from your life, to go to hell? I hope that friendship is still with us. But I can’t blame you, really. No one is here to be blamed but me. One day I reflected on my thoughts about what had happened and it ended up with tears in the eyes and guilt from inside. Definitely, all of what’s happening to us is because of me. If I never said “I liked you” to you, we could be close friends right now however the damage has been done, I’ve said it, at that moment our friendship was lost. I felt it in the way you talk to me, you were always shouting and telling lies.

 

This is the mistake, that I can’t face the consequences! Now I’m faced with a great task: to forget “snugglebunny”, smile, move on and look unto the bright side of the world. Sometimes I want to get rid of you out of my mind but my heart shouts for name. The question is how could I smile and to forget, if I see the face I love almost everyday? How could I look unto the bright side and think positive, if all I do is to think about “snugglebunny”. Why can’t you learn to love me? What is it that I have to do just to make you mine? What does he have that I haven’t got?

 

I can never forget the day that you came into my life, I was in 1st year when I met you. I asked for your name and you have the most beautiful smile. My life started to change and since then I'd wake up each day feeling alright. I know, with you right by my side, makes me feel things will work out just fine. I've realized that only you can make this worldseem right. Only you can make the darkness bright. Only you and you alone. Sometimes i dont know if you can't  feel the weight of my stare. You're so close but still a world away and what I'm dying to say, is that I Love You So Much!

Who knows how long I've loved you, you know i love you still, you know I can wait a lifetime, if you want me to I will.  And in this next line, I'll say it all over again, that I love you, that I love you. I don’t care what they say. I don’t care what they do, cause tonight I know I'll be with you. How does it feel? How is it that I can't feel any love from you? coz I, I need to know. Why? Coz I know I can never be enough to replace your whatever. Why can't you learn to love me? Do you feel my heart beating? Do you understand? You know, there was I time that you told me something nice, I.. I thought that I had the chance, but it started with a cry and never ended with a smile. All you've said was a big, big lie.The last words were spoken.Was left there just standing around, trying to grasp what you said to me.How could you ignore it? how you could you? Where do we go from here? It doesn’t make it better that you’re gone, It doesn’t ease the pain at all, I drown myself in tears, coz you’re, coz you're Gone.Here.i'm.i'm still waiting here, my dear for one kiss from you, even though that you're gone and lost forever. And it seems that I can't live a day without you. Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away.But here is the punchline, in the game of love, nothing can be gained but everything maybe lost and if i truly love you, I have to set you free! -love you!-