Dont Expect, Dont Get Hurt

mrlonely2307

Akala ko ba hindi na ako magmamahal. Akala ko masaya na ako pero anong nangyari bakit ako unti-unting kinakain ng kalungkutan. Akala ko pagkatapos ng retreat mabubuhay na ako ng masaya. Akala ko unti-unting nakakalimutan ko sya pero bakit siya parin ang sinisigaw nitong puso ko. Akala ko magiging maganda na ang pakikitungo ko sa kanya pero bakit natatahimik ako pag-nandyan sya. Akala ko hanggang kaibigan na lang kami pero bakit mas gusto ng puso na higit pa sa kaibigan. Akala ko lagi na lang akong nakangiti pero bakit ako ngayon nakasimangot at nakatulala. Akala ko ba meron na mag-aalaga sa akin pero na saan sila? Akala ko naka- move one na ko pero bakit gusto ko parin magpakamatay?

Akala ko hindi na ako masasaktan kahit makita ko sya may kasamang iba  pero bakit masilayan lang siya ng mga mata ko, sobrang sakit ang dulot.

mrlonely2307

ayoko sa manhid. ayoko sa selfish. ayoko sa judgemental. ayoko sa backstabber. ayoko sa nananakit. ayoko yung mga "taking for granted people". ayoko sa mga taong walang pake-alam sa iba. ayoko yung nanggagamit ng iba. ayoko sa lahat yung mapang-husga.

lagi na lang ako nasasaktan, hindi ko alam kung bakit? lagi na lang ako naiiwan sa huli, hindi ko alam kung bakit? lagi na lang ako bigo, hindi ko alam kung bakit? lagi na lang ako nawala sa landas, hindi ko alam kung bakit? lagi na lang ako itinataboy, hindi ko alam kung bakit? lagi na lang ako hindi maintindihan, hindi ko alam kung bakit?

masaya for sure sa langit. walang problema, walang pain, walang kaaway, walang pagdurusa, walang galit, walang kaulungkutan.

sa mga nagraan na panahon, maraming akong experience na hindi makalimutan, ito yung dahang-dahang humubog sa aking puso na maging bato :D may isang tao ang tuluyang nagpatunay na isang kagaya ko ay dapat maging bato.

gusto ko mang magalit.pero hindi ko kaya. gusto ko mang ipa-alam kung gaano ako kagalit at nasaktan sa ginawa nya sa akin. parang pinag-laruan lang ako.lalo ng ipinapahiwatig nya na parang wala ako sa kanya. eh sa totoong buhay sino nga ba ako sa kanya?(kung sino may lakas na loob tanong nyo sya). hayaan mo isang araw na lang magugulat ka....babalik din sayo lahat ng sinabi mo sa akin!

mrlonely2307

hi!

this day was terribly different......

it started when i woke up this morning..feeling sick and lonely.. i dont know why but it is how i felt. when i attended practices this morning and afternoon, i felt extremely confident that something was meant to be wrong this day.

this aftenoon during our practice, my classmates were asking me to show some moves then there where a sudden adrenaline rush inside me. haahha! of course, i showed some moves. man. i think it made me look stupid in front of others but its okay. you know why? i dont give a damn when the class laughed at me, there's no big deal,  but what's important that i made someone laugh. i dont really care if the class laughed at me!

after class.......

okay, i think its time to have a new look! i went to sm north,where i usually get my hair done. a new look for me? means something different :D

mrlonely2307

i've just bought a new pair of shoes! the first ever shoe that i've bought using my own money! hahaha! its an orange-colored chucks! with the size of 8! :D

mrlonely2307

 tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina,tang-ina....! THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY!

bakit puta? bakit pa ako nabuhay kung ganito lang pala kahirap mabuhay? tang-inang buhay 'to, dapat ng wakasan! bakit pa ako nandito kung puro na lang emotional problems meron ako!?

puta! lagi na lang ako yung mahina, lagi na lang ako yung nasa baba, lagi na lang ako yung napapahiya, lagi na lang ako yung minama-liit. akala ko ayus na pero putang-ina hindi naman pala. hindi ko kailanman maintindihan kung bakit may mga sadyang ganyan na tao, yung akala nila "superior"" at yung mapang-husga sila, puta ang dami nila. malapit na maubos pasensya ko, kaunti na lang, uupakan ko,tang ina d ako nag-bibiro, porket ang bait ko sa kanila, eh umaabuso na. maski matangal pa man ako sa skul, ayus lang nakaganti naman ako. minsan hindi ko magawang awayin kahit gusto ko, mas masakit ang emotional problem kaysa sa physical.

tang-ina wala naman nakaka-appreciate sa akin sa mundong 'to. walang tunay na kaibigan, walang kadamay, walang masandalan. bakit hindi ko na lang wakasan ang buhay ko, mas magiging masaya pa ako pag-nasa langit na ko. buti pa sa langit walang kalungkutan,walang iwanan,laging masaya,laging may karamay, walang mapnghusga, at walang hirap. akala ng lahat na okay ako, ayus lang, ayus lang na mag-biro sa akin. pero tang-ina HINDI. puro pangsariling hangarin lang sila. kahit man tang-ian tumalon ako sa 5th floor eh puta wala lang sa kanila. tang ina! TANG-INANG mundo 'to!

mrlonely2307

NOTE: its free to wish but be careful of what you wished for.

i wish you were here. i wish that i'm holding your hand. i wish that someday you would realize, i was the one. i wish you were here, wrapped around my arms. i wish that we're together. i wish that the day would finally that you will be begging for my love. i wish you didnt hurt me this much. i wish i've never known you. i wish i'm your lover. i wish i could see you every single day of my life. i wish that i'm with you on a summer day, going picnics and sharing our love. i wish that i was the same age as you do. i wish that we're in Hawaii, spending an afternoon on the beach. i wish that we're in New York at the top of the Statue of Liberty, enjoying the peacful view. i wish you were with me on Christmas day. i wish i could kiss you on valentines day. i wish that you would accept me. i wish that i would be given some of your love. i wish that i was the one in your arms. i wish that you'll get rid of him.i wish that you gave me chance to prove myself to you. i wish to redeem your sweet gentle touch. i wish that we could kiss each other and tell how much we love one another. i wish that i would die in front of you. i wish my wishes would come true.

 I WISH THAT YOU'D LOVE ME JUST ONCE........

why is that my life is full of this mind-blowing wishes?  since my childhood years i wished for a lot of things, i wished fo a new toy and some alike. now in these teenage years, i somehow feel that wishes  sometimes don't come true. lucky are the ones whom there wishes are granted but for my situation, i'm a hopeless case. i'm a hopeless case thats for sure. how could she love me, if she loves somebody else?  how coud i possibly do that?

why is there a lot of wishes that have not been granted and alot of question asked but not answered.
why my life is ruled by a big question mark? i dont know why but this is how i feel.

mrlonely2307

WHERE`D YOU GO

FORT MINOR

Where`d you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you`ve been gone

She said somedays I feel like shit
Somedays I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit
I don`t understand why you always have to be gone
I get along but your trips always feel so long
And I find myself trying to stay by the phone
Because your voice always helps me to not to feel so alone
But I feel like an idiot, working my day around a call
And when I pick up I don`t have much to say, so

I want you to know its a little fucked up that
I`m stuck here waiting, at times debating
Telling you that I`ve had it with you and your career
Me and the rest of the family here singing

Where`d you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you`ve been gone
Where`d you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you`ve been gone
Please
Come back home

You know, the place you used to live
Used to barbeque with burgers and ribs
Used to have a little party every halloween
with candy by the pile but now
you only stop by every once in a while
Yeah
I find myself just filling my time
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind
I`m doing fine and I plan to keep it that way
You can call me if you find that you have something to say
And I`ll tell you

I want you to know its a little messed up that
I`m stuck here waiting, at times debating
Telling you that I`ve had it with you and your career
Me and the rest of the family here singing

Where`d you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you`ve been gone
Where`d you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you`ve been gone
Please Come back home

I want you to know its a little messed up that
I`m stuck here waiting, no longer debating
Tired of sitting here and waiting and makeing these excuses
For why you`re not around, and feeling sorta useless
It seems that one thing has been true all along
You don`t really know what you`ve got till its gone
I guess I`ve had it with you and your career
When you come back I won`t be here and you can say

Where`d you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you`ve been gone
Where`d you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you`ve been gone
Please Come back home

Please Come back home
Please Come back home
Please Come back home
Please Come back home